ALL THE SKINNY GIRLS ARE DOING IT!

Photo of Lara Stone - Sorry don't know the Photographer

This week I had a bit of a meltdown

I was weighed in last monday and I had lost only 1.4 kilos - I was gutted.

I had been eating quite well and to have such a poor effort for the considerable exercise I was doing didnt seem fair.  It snowballed from there. I had a fight with my mum too. I was feeling blah.

Now I didnt stuff myself with lovely gooey pizza nor did I devour a whole family pack of chocolate. Trust me I would have wanted to. 

Here is what I did do over the course of 1x week:

1x Banana paddle pop (low in sugar)

3x After dinner mints

1x Can sprite

3/4 x  Can coke (yes damn it I had one)

1x Large mandarin mango juice

Other mutiple cups of juice/sippets of lemonade

1x Bacon + egg white roll (trimmed of fat no sauce - hey it was free)

1x Skinny slice of supreme pizza

A handful of peanuts

1x Ham + cheese sandwich with butter (Shop premade - was starving)

1 x Lebanese restaurant mixed meat platter (IT WAS DIVINE)

1 x Vegetarian pad prik stir fry (yes with rice)

3x Baklava small pieces

1 x Orange and pear salad (the cranberry dressing was really sweet - heaven knows what was in it)

1x Garlic bread (the DELICIOUS kind)

AND I had a big talking to from my trainer and this was before I had gone off the deep end. 

So this is what I learned this week:

1. I have a serious problem with juices and soft drinks - trying to eliminate them completely is so hard and I  will be sad to see them go.

2. FOOD AMNESIA is a real condition that I have self diagnosed myself with.

3. I have been quietly starving myself.  My mix of day and night shift means  I dont eat at regular times.  Often I'd find I would eat once a day and I would lose my appetite.  So lets say my metabolism is slower than the little engine that could  now that its in starvation mode. Pat on the back right there! NOT.

4. According to my independent research HEALTHY SKINNY GIRLS eat lots alot of the time. What an EFFORT ...but...hmph....I will give it a burl shirle!

PRISONER OF WAR

This past wednesday was one of those days that you just should have stayed in bed.  It was pouring rain, I was late already for my session and I had no umbrella...typical!  So in a musty poor excuse for a raincoat I trudged along to the park.   In the wet I endure the torture in the confined space of the gazebo.  That much more intense as there is nowhere to hide...except... then my trainer noticed the grandstand was unlocked.  The BEGINNING of the END.

The grandstand is old fashioned with rows of bleachers over looking the park oval.  In a series of  squats, knee lifts, stair climbs I muddled through despite being soggy wet (rain not sweat just yet).  The addition of weights and that stupid metal bar thingo was not welcomed but still I  somehow remained upright. Really beats me?
Then the round of boxing combinations began, now this was utter agony. To  think I used to like boxing.  INCESSANT REPITIONS.  I never felt like quitting before even while I was hyperventilating during a jog but this? I was totally in unchartered territory.  

My trainer said how good would I feel doing this when Im lighter. My response?  Still SHIT.  Normally I just zone out and quite the quiet mouse but I couldn't hold the words in.
He also said something (wasnt really listening) about cheating on my food intake. REALLY? SERIOUSLY?  You think I would willingly put myself through this torture and cheat on my food intake?  Undisplined I might have been, stupid I am not.

I am not sure why this session was so terribly painful - possibly all the upper body work and weights.....Oh not to mention the hateful star jumps.  I HATE them,  According to my trainer Im not built for star jumps eg my feet/ankles.  The truth is having my boobs and gut flapping in the wind is mighty uncomfortable.

Being a sadistic sucker for punishment I had a 0510 AM!!!!  training session on friday before work.  I couldn't sleep as I was scared I would sleep through the alarm.  Sleep deprived I arrived at the park.  Thankful that it wasnt raining at least. 

I had to jog mutiple laps of the park, ok it was just x4 times interspersed with other inconsequential fitness hoopla. Lets not forget the fucking star jumps again!  All I can remember is this growing pressure in my chest that had started on wednesday and was now blooming.  Tell the truth and shame the devil.  It was anger.....towards my trainer. 

Why are you making me do this?
Can't you give me a break?  Just a small one?

At I trotted off at my pathetic pace this anger simmered in my chest.  I could only think this is how prisoners of war must be broken down.  Tortured then left to hope that the end is near yet only to commence once again. 
That anger was soon directed towards me:
He is here because you are paying him bright spark!
You're here at 5am as a consequence to your choices!
I was due for another session the next morning with little option than to suck it up cupcake - just like that.

TALKING NUMBERS

So Tuesday was crunch time and just as I suspected the results were somewhat lacklustre.
1.7 Kgs lost for Week 2.  That means I am currently 107.2Kgs.  Progress : yes Cause for celebration: Not just yet. 
Oof the erotic dreams of a good italian margarita pizza are just gonna have to wait !

FORBIDDEN FRUIT

                                                                 *Photo: Alannah Hill campaign

The temptation is always there. Taunting.  Is there such a thing as food erotica?  Its starts with the visual and then it blooms into the possible taste till its almost tangible.The food type: naughty bad for you succulent morsels of  temptation. So seductive would it be to have just a little bite? Then again it could be the hunger pains making me slightly delusional.....

THINKING LITE THOUGHTS

So tomorrow is the big weigh in. I have officially completed WEEK 2 of my diet / trainer.
Now I know I have only lost about 1.5 kilos this week  hopefully it'll come up on my trainer's scales too. I have a sneaking suspicion that there will  be hell to pay if  there is no movement of the KGS.

Well I had a sloooooow week - I freaked out by wednesday cos I wasnt dropping anything - just HOVERING.  Its like this taunting slap in the face that the bloddy numbers aren't moving.  I  only worked out 5 days last week plus I was a little sick.

Reflecting I think it had alot to do with DUMPLINGS.  Lisa my mate did a late night delivery of her mother's HOMEMADE dumplings.  1st word: Delicious. 2nd word: Inhaled - yep thats what I did - I inhaled those dumpling so fast - there one moment gone the next.

                                                  * Photo by vegetabledumplings.tumblr.com

Now I dont think they were quite the guilty sin EXCEPT for eating at 22:00  on 2 consecutive nights and all the  dough  involved.  So VOLIA -  the reason I am approaching tomorrows "official" weigh in with trepidation.

POSSIBLITIES ARE IN THE AIR

There is an excitement I can't contain.....so I'm just gonna say it.  I have a persoanl trainer.  Sometimes I am struck by these strokes of genius although right now I have yet to decide whether this decision was one of intellect or madness.  I cant afford it but I obviously have committment issues with independent exercise ie, taking myself for a walk.   So my challenge is to do 3-4 session a week for 5 possibly 10 weeks and see how I go.  I called around about 5 trainers and only managed to speak to 1 guy.  I was desperate to get started before I lost my nerve so I set it up.  Note to self and everyone else: always have a trial session.  My new trainer is an exercise gastapo, hold no punches and is as BLUNT as a butter knife.   My first session was fitness testing and to start off he made me run around the park oval 3 xTIMES.  RUN...ok so it was more a jog but that's still more than Ive done ever.  I HATE running/jogging/walking and I don't use the term hate lightly. Anyway I somehow have made it through the 1st week ALIVE yet albeit wounded.  The highlight?  My trainer  telling my that next time I reach for a BIG MAC I better be ready to run 10 laps around the oval. Forget that shit I'd rather live cause surely that would kill me nevermind Ive always been a QUARTER POUNDER (hold the pickle and onion) girl!

DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT

So here I am again.  The prodigal returns.  Yet I am in a strong state of mind. Despite the constant fluctuation 1-2 kilos up or down with more movement than the Dow Jones.  The Yo-Yo effect I think is a direct reflection of my motivation. I play at being good then revel in the my wicked darkside of food indulgence.  Yet  I am newly focused.  I think much has to do with my pending Thailand trip, the mere thought of a squeezing into bathers fills me with panic and makes me want to dream it all away.  But unfortunately I am stranded in the realm of reality and thus  must make a change.