THINKING LITE THOUGHTS

So tomorrow is the big weigh in. I have officially completed WEEK 2 of my diet / trainer.
Now I know I have only lost about 1.5 kilos this week  hopefully it'll come up on my trainer's scales too. I have a sneaking suspicion that there will  be hell to pay if  there is no movement of the KGS.

Well I had a sloooooow week - I freaked out by wednesday cos I wasnt dropping anything - just HOVERING.  Its like this taunting slap in the face that the bloddy numbers aren't moving.  I  only worked out 5 days last week plus I was a little sick.

Reflecting I think it had alot to do with DUMPLINGS.  Lisa my mate did a late night delivery of her mother's HOMEMADE dumplings.  1st word: Delicious. 2nd word: Inhaled - yep thats what I did - I inhaled those dumpling so fast - there one moment gone the next.

                                                  * Photo by vegetabledumplings.tumblr.com

Now I dont think they were quite the guilty sin EXCEPT for eating at 22:00  on 2 consecutive nights and all the  dough  involved.  So VOLIA -  the reason I am approaching tomorrows "official" weigh in with trepidation.

POSSIBLITIES ARE IN THE AIR

There is an excitement I can't contain.....so I'm just gonna say it.  I have a persoanl trainer.  Sometimes I am struck by these strokes of genius although right now I have yet to decide whether this decision was one of intellect or madness.  I cant afford it but I obviously have committment issues with independent exercise ie, taking myself for a walk.   So my challenge is to do 3-4 session a week for 5 possibly 10 weeks and see how I go.  I called around about 5 trainers and only managed to speak to 1 guy.  I was desperate to get started before I lost my nerve so I set it up.  Note to self and everyone else: always have a trial session.  My new trainer is an exercise gastapo, hold no punches and is as BLUNT as a butter knife.   My first session was fitness testing and to start off he made me run around the park oval 3 xTIMES.  RUN...ok so it was more a jog but that's still more than Ive done ever.  I HATE running/jogging/walking and I don't use the term hate lightly. Anyway I somehow have made it through the 1st week ALIVE yet albeit wounded.  The highlight?  My trainer  telling my that next time I reach for a BIG MAC I better be ready to run 10 laps around the oval. Forget that shit I'd rather live cause surely that would kill me nevermind Ive always been a QUARTER POUNDER (hold the pickle and onion) girl!

DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT

So here I am again.  The prodigal returns.  Yet I am in a strong state of mind. Despite the constant fluctuation 1-2 kilos up or down with more movement than the Dow Jones.  The Yo-Yo effect I think is a direct reflection of my motivation. I play at being good then revel in the my wicked darkside of food indulgence.  Yet  I am newly focused.  I think much has to do with my pending Thailand trip, the mere thought of a squeezing into bathers fills me with panic and makes me want to dream it all away.  But unfortunately I am stranded in the realm of reality and thus  must make a change.

THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING

Lets get to the nitty gritty shall we?
***113.5 Kilos ***
So Ive lost 5.6 kilos

It doesn't seem like much and really let's be honest its not, considering the timeframe.
What I found really visually imnpacting was when I measured the weightloss in flour.
Kinda silly but it gave me an image I can always assosciate back to.
When I held those 5 packets of flour and a cup in my arms, I acknowledged that 5 kilos and a bit should not be scoffed at!

MAGIC ELIXIR

My family life has never been Brady Bunch perfect and sometimes it was downright awful. About 2 weeks ago my brother and I had a big blue. Now referred to as "The Incident". It really hurt my heart, I hadnt experienced that deep painful crying in years. Anyway despite the drama it made me confront how food has always been a sort of medicine. That perfect potion which will ease the pain away. Well hello there bright spark... this is not a new revelation - Im not a complete ostrich.

Normally there is a driving force, anxiety, desperation that I need to eat something (more often than not junkfood)to quieten this tempest of feelings before they overwhelm me. I know its about control, feeling helpless, not being able to express myself but its 3am and Im limiting my self analysis.

When I am in the midst of one of these situations there is no time to stop and reflect - its just me, food, NOW!!! Yet this time I did - I didnt find my oneway ticket to a whole uppercrust pizza nor 2x servings of thai take out with a litre of coke (coca cola that is ..lol..) The temptation was so seductive but I didn't - so that a small win for me...yay

P.S I have since fallen off the wagon but that's another story and will jumping back on tomoz y'all

ON AN EMPTY TANK

Lets just take a moment to drool over Crystal Renn in her curvy days. This body shape is the epitome of a sex siren!!!

Weight: 116 Kilos
So ive still managed to lose a little something something since I started!

Well its only been 3 day since I pledged to stop eliminate sugars-fats and
I do miss my lovely toxic fizzy drinks.....aaah.....Ive been on the H2o but its
like an alcoholic I guess?
I work 2 nightshifts per week at my slave job and sometimes Id find myself guzzling 3x cans overnight. Not suprising to be in this sitch huh?

Anyway lets focus:
1. Im only gonna try to stick to h20, mineral water and the occassional fresh juice (just quietly between you and me I had 1x cup of juice)
This is bound to help since I didnt drink water at all - shock horror - yes I know
2. No diet drinks - aspartem? is dangerous and bad for you
3. Getting wild - eating whereever whatever I want 1x per month. BIG CHANGE since Id eat out 1x per week and order take out 3-5 x per week.
4. Cut down on sugar, oil, butter, fats
5. Oops let not forget exercise - my dance classes begin in another 2 weeks. I do 2x classes/week but looking to step this up to 3x classes.

Ok so thats it for now dont want to inundate myself so soon

RUDE AWAKENING

With a humble heart I return. My intial attempt lost steam in a matter of days. No recriminations, I'll just start again, its ok. But today I found out differently. There isnt an endless supply of new leaves to turn over.

I had promised January would be my health month so I asked for a glucose 2hr blood test. Disbelieving that something could truly be wrong but scared, it was still a shock being told Im 1x level away from diabetes.
My mother has diabetes and I already have PCOS and gallstones which places me
in a higher risk bracket.

This isnt just about looking hot now, its about saving and restoring my health (plus looking HAWT!!!)
There were a few tears shed in anger for I know better but didnt take heed. I am thankful I have a chance to hopefully improve what Ive damaged.

One of my new years resolution was to keep my word. Sounds simple but deceptively difficult. Its the little things: being late/sticking to a diet/budgeting. The funny thing about integrity is its so easily tarnished, till you wake up one day and your word doesnt hold any value to others and more importantly to yourself.